A Day Dissociated

This is a dark poem…a friend’s day documented

5:24 am

Early morning awakenings

To pain filled movement,

lead to a morning desire to nap through

counseling conversations.

Plans for death occur as voices intercede.

Concentration is difficult

and seems useless.

What is worth surviving for?

Why don’t we give up?

Tommy will end it for us someday, anyway.


8:00 am

Three years of stitching life back together

While my head spins

and untangles the threads and their commonalities

So many mistakes to face

and resolve

Three years has been a LONG  night.

I am tired.


8:40 am

The square circle holds a battleground

Where war rages between what is and what was

The fight ensues between two the same, yet different

The jabs come in sleep eluded intervals,

Leaving us exhausted from the pursuit.

Pain carried deep within, shows up in a blood stained cut.

The wound gapes open exposing the soul,

The gatekeeper battles while wrath combats with fear

Others join from the ringside and its difficult to make sense of it all

Who will ring the bell?


9:52 am

Slipping our hand into the right pocket,

we find strength there.

A trip to the store yesterday

Brought Tommy what he needed.

He brings a reassurance that an end can come

and release us

from haunting remembrances comforting us

and bringing solace.

Relief is found in the touch of steel cut edges.

We envision the sharpness that slides  across our skin.

bringing death to us all.


11:55 am

“Control is a hopeless wish”

Our body craves sleep,

yet it doesn’t come.

Seven years to release

And know that those sharing

this body with me want to tell all,

but are afraid

and might run away.

Fear warns us not to let anyone else out.


2:13 pm

To feel the soft fur under the palm of my hand

brings tranquil thoughts


a longing to be

a little girl who knows

what it is like to swing

freely and in peace.


7:13 pm

Enmeshed together

the day comes

to a point of

binging and purging

cutting and carving

wishing and destroying

all the hurts within

with drops of “bad” blood.


9.30 pm

New meetings

“Little One” cries harder than usual,

Fear of what is to come, surrounds us.

Longings to be with

those who comfort and extend their hand

pulls an aching from inside.

Saying goodbye is sad and hard.


10:23 pm

Bring me to a drug induced sleep

to keep the dreams,

the snakes, the spiders

and all the body remembrances

at bay.


11:00 pm

Chloral hydrate helps me sleep

but it’s not safe.

Not hearing from the one who

is suppose to nurture and protect

heightens the loneliness.

Little One, please stop crying.


2 thoughts on “A Day Dissociated

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