This is a dark poem…a friend’s day documented
Early morning awakenings
To pain filled movement,
lead to a morning desire to nap through
Plans for death occur as voices intercede.
Concentration is difficult
and seems useless.
What is worth surviving for?
Why don’t we give up?
Tommy will end it for us someday, anyway.
Three years of stitching life back together
While my head spins
and untangles the threads and their commonalities
So many mistakes to face
Three years has been a LONG night.
I am tired.
The square circle holds a battleground
Where war rages between what is and what was
The fight ensues between two the same, yet different
The jabs come in sleep eluded intervals,
Leaving us exhausted from the pursuit.
Pain carried deep within, shows up in a blood stained cut.
The wound gapes open exposing the soul,
The gatekeeper battles while wrath combats with fear
Others join from the ringside and its difficult to make sense of it all
Who will ring the bell?
Slipping our hand into the right pocket,
we find strength there.
A trip to the store yesterday
Brought Tommy what he needed.
He brings a reassurance that an end can come
and release us
from haunting remembrances comforting us
and bringing solace.
Relief is found in the touch of steel cut edges.
We envision the sharpness that slides across our skin.
bringing death to us all.
“Control is a hopeless wish”
Our body craves sleep,
yet it doesn’t come.
Seven years to release
And know that those sharing
this body with me want to tell all,
but are afraid
and might run away.
Fear warns us not to let anyone else out.
To feel the soft fur under the palm of my hand
brings tranquil thoughts
a longing to be
a little girl who knows
what it is like to swing
freely and in peace.
the day comes
to a point of
binging and purging
cutting and carving
wishing and destroying
all the hurts within
with drops of “bad” blood.
“Little One” cries harder than usual,
Fear of what is to come, surrounds us.
Longings to be with
those who comfort and extend their hand
pulls an aching from inside.
Saying goodbye is sad and hard.
Bring me to a drug induced sleep
to keep the dreams,
the snakes, the spiders
and all the body remembrances
Chloral hydrate helps me sleep
but it’s not safe.
Not hearing from the one who
is suppose to nurture and protect
heightens the loneliness.
Little One, please stop crying.